Am I Alone?
We are alone .Or i should say I am alone and you are alone. I was created alone,I am living alone and I will be died alone. This loneliness is acidulous truth of my life.
But the point is that why am i alone!
When I have family,many friends,throng of people around me then why i feel alone..
Why is it that regardless of having so many people around me,when I’m going through tough times they never feel me….
Why I feel empty despite of constantly talking to someone,sharing with him my problems but still aware of my heart being hollow proportionally..
Why People around me can’t understand what i want them to-feel how i want them to..
Why is it that when I want to interact with special one out of such a large social circle,emotionally,even that person never feels me..
Why is it that when I am with that special one yet feeling him to be totally unaware of such emotions or miseries through which i’m going.
And why despite of being aware of all above facts about people,i can’t purge my self from the craving of them being with me..Why??
These questions might be there,hurting someone else in his heart and not in mind :)
So when opposite of loneliness is supposed to be directly proportional with the number of people around me then why is it that i can’t soothe my heart from this despondency.
Why i feel alone??
While i was in process of finding answer of this question,i felt most of the times that why i feel that happiness is supposed to be extracted by the company of people??
Who made me think that i can’t get happiness all alone without help of people,my friends and family??
Who made me think that to remain on other side of loneliness i need my dear friends and ironically,this thinking made them more dear to me and i began relying upon them more strongly…so why i think like this.
When I’ve been created alone why i think that i can’t get rid of loneliness “ALONE”
So i found that tragedy is not that people can’t get me and they are not like what i think of them should be.Tragedy is that I’ve become victim of idea of dependence upon people,dependence for my happiness,dependence for filling up emptiness of my heart.This way of thinking about my dependencies is what made me dependent of people,happened to be in my life.
So ,When i got to know that these are not people who are supposed to take my loneliness away.
When i got to know that its not like i don’t have people around me so it might be said that i never tasted my loneliness to be taken away by social circle but its like “TO BE CONSTANTLY ALONE DESPITE OF HAVING FAMILY AND FRIENDS”
Then question arose,what is then that upon which i should be relying actually to have all that for which I’ve been chasing people so long!
Grappling with this all,I found a magical verse in Qur’an where Allaah calms me by saying:
…He is with you wherever you are…(57:4)
So,I felt how can there be need of people when I’ve been holded already.When I’m not alone by now….
There is another such a calming verse,I found:
Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:
…And whoever relies upon Allah — then He is sufficient for him… (65:3)
So Why i think that I need someone else for filling up my insufficiencies when Allaah has promised this for me and nobody else has promised yet!
So,I found that abominating the idea of emotional and psychological attachment with people is not what puts me into loneliness rather this is what make me closer to Allah and make me reflect that if,on this planet,there is none to hear me or understand me still I don’t need people.
I can’t be put into loneliness if I only rely upon Allah because shelter from loneliness is not kept in socialising with people but in remembrance of Allaah…
I need to understand the fact that nothing in this universe can serve to take my loneliness away.No matter how many promises one has made with me,no matter how close someone has been with me and this thing vanishes the feeling of dependence upon people.
I got to think that I need no one to take my loneliness away BUT ALLAH and i found real loneliness is to be without Allaah S.W.T..
I found,to get away from not only my loneliness but also from sadness and hollowness of my heart,I need only Allaah…
And I found that if only this thinking is able to free me enough from false attachments and false dependencies upon people so how soothing it would be to have Allaah’s company practically….